Have you ever lost an opportunity to connect with clients because you overloaded them with facts and figures? A better way to build understanding is by sharing your story or listening to theirs. Storytelling is a powerful connector. Stories light up different parts of the listener’s brain, which releases neural chemicals, in particular oxytocin, known as the bonding chemical, which can beget empathy and trust.

“Oxytocin leads to an increase in trust. The very act of telling a story can lead to more trust, and this is what your clients experience when you tell them stories,” said author Karen Eber, during her 2024 MDRT Annual Meeting Main Platform presentation. “Stories are a way to connect people to emotions and help influence the decisions that they make. All of your clients have a story about money.”

There are many ways to connect with clients through telling and listening to stories. The point is to be authentic and share your genuine desire to help the person who is in front of you. Have a conversation rather than make a presentation. Ask in-depth questions and listen.

Asking and telling

Being a good storyteller/conversationalist is not about memorizing a script. It’s a skill that’s honed.

“The art of storytelling takes practice, and the skill isn’t developed by always looking at your phone,” said D. Scott Brennan, a 42-year MDRT member and MDRT Past President from South Bend, Indiana, USA. “Leave the phone in the car and talk to people eyeball to eyeball. Ask them, How can I help? How’s life? What word would you use to describe your life up until now?” 

One of Brennan’s mentors, the late MDRT member Charles C. Gleason, CLU, MSFS, of Dahlonega, Georgia, USA, told him, “There’s nothing more powerful than a question. If you want great interviews, ask good questions.”

The greatest questions to lead with aren’t about financials. Values and the stories of our lives drive how people view money and what they want to see happen with their money in their lifetime and beyond. You can lose engagement if your questions don’t touch a client’s heart.

“Over the years, I had certain questions that seemed to open the door. Sometimes the ability to open a door with a client or with a person referred to you swings on a really small hinge,” Brennan said. 

Below are some questions he asks to “illuminate the situation”:

• Did you grow up rich or poor?
• What’s your relationship been like with money?
• Do you have a list of people who you would want as pallbearers if you died tonight, and does your spouse have that list?
• What’s your life been like? What one word would you use to describe your life up until now?
• Are you upbeat, or are you down in the dumps most of the time? 
• What’s your relationship been with people in my business? 

“One of the things I learned early on in this great profession was the fact that if you’re kind and if you’re gentle and you ask a nosy question, they’ll answer it. Sometimes you have to gift wrap it though,” Brennan said. “If someone sits down with me and they look like they’ve been through a tough situation, I don’t say, ‘What in the heck is going on?’ I say, ‘How have you been sleeping?’ And they tell me. If someone tells me they just got terminated from a 40-year job, I don’t ask, ‘What happened?’ I ask, ‘Is there peace in your heart? How can I help you the most?’ And they tell me,” Brennan said.

Reaching out to others means a lot to Brennan. He sends between 600 and 700 handwritten notes a year. It’s important that they’re handwritten, as emails have become too much of a commodity.

“Every Sunday or Monday morning, I write about a dozen notes to people who had something good happen to them, like a promotion, or when they’re sick or hurt — even if they’re not clients,” Brennan said. “I don’t care. I mail them a note. Sometimes when they have cancer, I mail them a note every week for a year or two, if they need it. I call this positive expectation. It’s a lonely time when someone’s sick or hurt. Knowing that someone cares about you can make a difference.”

He also sends birthday and Valentine’s Day cards to clients.

“My goal is to be a ray of sunshine to someone, make life a little better and remind them that they have a friend,” Brennan said. “I have sold a lot of life insurance. However, I don’t manage money, and I don’t manage people. I manage relationships. I’m in the human nature business.”

It’s not about products

If you tell your story or ask a few questions and then launch into the latest and greatest financial products, you’re putting a hard stop on that conversation as well as future ones with prospects.

“People don’t want to be sold anything, let alone life insurance,” Brennan said. “If I say, though, ‘Could I tell you a story?’ They lean in and listen.”

Financial advisors often have a front-row seat to their clients’ lives, and it’s important that they know how to listen and respectfully hold what their clients are saying.

Connecting through family events

“One of the ways to deal with emotions is having the heart to listen,” said Tricia Tan, a nine-year MDRT member from Singapore. This attribute allows her to retain clients and their families for the long term. She engages with them on a deep level, which includes being with them in times of celebrations and during their difficult, sometimes final, moments.

“When I was younger,” Tan said, “I never thought I would meet my clients and talk about death, critical illness or disabilities.” Yet, the good and the bad are all part of life. Tan has learned that because she is with her clients as if she is part of the family, she is allowed to be there for difficult conversations like what kind of legacy they want to pass on.

“I deliver the gift of love in the form of life insurance coverage. It’s a legacy that I communicate and pass on for their loved ones,” Tan said.

Connecting through social media and personality types

For other financial advisors, connecting with prospects and clients starts before they meet by sharing stories through social media. Brandon J. Wellman, CFP, RICP, a six-year MDRT member from Springfield, Illinois, USA, starts communicating with prospects through sometimes humorous social media memes. “Anything you can do to add humor helps break down barriers,” he said. “It shows that we’re not just stodgy people looking at numbers all day. It adds a human element to it.”

Although Wellman and his staff may show a lighter side online, once a prospect is in the office, he connects with them by understanding their personality type. “Meeting clients at their level allows me to have fewer objections because it shows that I understand them as a client and that I’m listening. I’m coming to meet them where they need me to be,” he said.

Understanding personality types influences how Wellman asks clients questions or tells them stories. He looks to see if a client is more analytical or more in touch with their feelings. 

“We like to try to drill down on where we think someone is going to fall on that spectrum. We’ll use things such as their employment, such as engineer versus a kindergarten teacher, to understand more about their personality types,” Wellman said.

“Another way to get a feel for their personality is to ask, how do you feel about retirement? If they give a to-the-point response, they may be more analytical. If they start explaining what retirement looks and feels like, then they’re a much more touchy-feely type of person. “We can tailor our advice and recommendations toward that, then,” Wellman said. 

“Whatever type of client you’re working with, the communication between two people is sacred,” Brennan said. “When one person speaks the truth, both are emancipated.”